By the time all of this is over who knows what kind of condition I will be in? Who knows what kind of condition anyone will be in? It's really easy to look at the past 2 and a half years and say well so and so lost a heart of prayer or never really had one and to compare people to people. It's really easy to do that because the world does it every day. We evaluate people by their last performance in the world. The world sees a band live and if tehy perform badly they no longer like that band or criticize them. A professiobnal athlete has a bad season and nobody wants to pay them as much.. Similarly one good season can get someone paid millions of dollars more.That's how the world works. It's really tempting to evaluate the church like that too. It's really tempting to look at people and how much they pray and how much they do in a season and see what they do in the next season and then rate their relationship with the Lord and people do it alot, one could argue they do it even more in the church, but I don't want to make that argument because arguments don't interest me anymore. Not only do arguments not interest me anymore, but outward appearance doesn't interest me very much either. Though I am swayed by it and persuaded by it constantly I can't judge based on it b/c its deceiving. So one might ask me, well Jim what are you interested in? And I know the biblocal answer, I can feed someone some line that will make me appear really holy and awesome, I'm interested in seeing the kingdom established and seeing love spread all over the place and for hearts to turn to Jesus and I believe that if I did feed someone that answer it would be 100% honest, but there is a catch. I can't establish a kingdom, I can't spread love all over the place and I can't turn hearts to Jesus. My interests are absolutely unattainable in myself, I cannot make a single thing happen and that reality isn't very encouraging. It doesn't bring much joy and we are reminded of it daily. I'm reminded daily that not only can I not make things happen, but I'm reminded of my performance that other peoples performance ends up testifying against me. It taunts me. Why? Why can't this thing break off me and others? I have seena dn run with so many people who stop running at the same pace because they are tired of being compared and evaluated adn trying to meet someone elses standard and we lose sight of what You oh Lord are calling us to. And I'm tired of being in the middle of it and I'm tired of seeing it happen to people I love. God i ask for forgiveness on this comparison of sacrifices, I'm sorry this is still happening in Your church. I'm sorry that we care more about our position in the kingdom than the posture of our heart. Help us be servants of all! That's what it takes and may we learn that!

Back to Blogging

"Think of the word of God this way, it does not matter who presents it the best, nor does it matter whether it's you or someone else doing it so long as it is done. God will give us all our oppurtunities so long as we have the desire to be used, and it will take a little bit of patience, but remain faithful. Faithfulness is what God has been speaking to me from others Words and something he's been putting on my heart." 11/17/06

I wrote that just over 2 years ago, and it's amazing that I'm in just about the exact same place now as I was then, caught in this place where I desire to be used, requiring patience and remaining faithful, the only difference is now I may have a bit more knowledge, maybe maturity, and a lot more realization of the depth of my sin. I can look back at some of my old entries and see by what I've written that I was sinful in my tongue, but there is something I also realized in that, I was more honest with myself back then too, I was more open and exposing myself to myself and to God. Now it's not that I try and cover up myself, its just I don't say what I think as often and when I do say what I think, I end up thinking I'm a gossiper slanderer or am stirring up trouble. I realize how much I need to guide my words, but I realize also I need to use words to proclaim the hope and gloriousness of our gospel of Jesus Christ and what He has done. So what's holding me back? Good question, something I've been trying to answer for a while, not me but trying to let the Holy Spirit answer. I've been really really lonely lately, for various reasons, but I blame only myself because I don't want to point the finger anymore, I have no desire to do that again. I can just point in the mirror and say "what's wrong jimmy?" Why are you the way you are, why does your heart seem so cold sometimes? Why do you seem to struggle with so much with wanting to let people in so close but being so afraid? Man that sounds so lame, so self-deprivating. I know my personality and I know I am willing constantly to share anything with anyone who wants to hear it and that's part of the problem if someone doesn't want to hear it I'm less inclined to share how I feel. I do not nor have ever desired face value relationships, they mean little to nothing to me and I can very easily be not committed to those people which I would say is a problem, but not really, Jesus only had the twelve that he was especially close to and even closer were James John and Peter, so I understand that human dilemma of not being able to keep so many people close to you in the flesh. However, I can't stand this occurrence in the body of Christ where we come together and pray in our corners on microphones and sing songs, but never feel really committted with our hearts to the people around us. I've heard people complain about people being to clicky in the church, and I'm not sure entirely what that means, but most times I feel like the church isn't close enough. I need to know peoples weaknesses so I can encourage them in the areas of the lives they need the most help, but when I hear people boasting of their works in the Lord and constantly asking so much of others or commanding and calling others to do do do, I lose sight of why I am doing this thing in the first place. It's so easy for me to cultivate this closet life of being Jesus on the mountain alone with His Father, but I want to be more than a closet Christian. My prayer closet awesome, but I don't want to bring my closet to church, bring my closet to my classroom, I want to be in this world and not of it, not in my closet and never out of it. I'll admit the closet is very comfortable for me I can pray for people I never have to deal with rejection, never have to deal with the cold hand of a brother or sister, a unnecessary word or rebuke, and I can sit and let the Lord convict me which I should be doing anyway. Oh how many times I've just wanted to run away form all of it, but I know I'm holding fast to the promise because I never been so faithful in my whole life to anything. I'm not saying that pridefully Jimmy, I'm saying that because the last time I set my heart to something for two and 1/2 years never existed. The second longest was my commitment to the womb. I've walked away from church enough times, to know the Lord has done something different in me because I now know that I know that I have nowhere I else to go, before I just knew that I could not kill myself, now I know that not only can I not kill myself, though I do have to die to myself, but I must live unto Christ which is the most narrow thing in the world to do. Jesus said it and He managed to make a way that I could fit through. No longer is my motive to make myself cry by what I write or to be moved emotionally when I read this a year from now. I just want to be honest with myself hear and now. I need the Lord, I need to give him my whole heart tonight, my whole heart when I wake up tomorrow morning, during class, I need Jesus to consume me, when I listen to people talk to me about what He's doing I need to stop being so critical, I literally will look at people sometimes and like "stop being fake, stop making this more emotional than it needs to be" Help me to stop being critical, discernment is one thing but critical is dangerous. I go home in two days, it's a familiar feeling going home, it gets better, but I wonder where am I going, not home, but where am I going, where am I gonna be in 2 years, but really even more pertinent, where will I be in two months, or where will I be in two weeks, or where will I be in two days?

So two years here's my prayer request for then 1) Lord I pray the calling on my life would be sure to me, that I would allow to lead guide and direct my steps and I would seek first the kingdom always, and I would walk in Your will with joy and be happy in the place you've brought me and know the direction of my life, for me to be at peace and for people in my family to be saved and for me to be bold like you want me to be to know what to do and confidently hear from you.

Now 2 months 2) Lord I know you've been speaking to me about faithfulness and I've bene praying and asking why my relationships with people my church and the ministry I've been in have been so inconvenient for me, I pray for clear direction about your will for me in church, whether you are asking me to committ fully to what is going on there in the form of taking on responsibility for evangelism with the youth and to really be planted and partner with them, or if you are leading me somewhere else. God I don't know why I have to feel so disheartened whenever I go to church, why I feel the need to speak up and even say things I shouldn't say or talk about, about the church, but I pray that whatever you are saying to the end times church for Church of the living waters they would hear and it would be confirmed not just by me. God I need help and direction for real, help me in my relationships with people who I have been growing further away from and show me why, show me where I need to repent and reconcile or where I just need to let go and leave it in your hands, I don't want to worry anymore about "where things went wrong" or where I just missed what has happened. Let me trust what your doing in individuals and help me feel close to some people and not so lonely, teach me your ways change my heart! I pray for the ministry of Chi Alpha and my place on this campus as well, help me submit to leadership, but be confident in what I'm hearing from you and confirming, show me more vision about that dream with me Derek and Victor and the baby that was handed off. For the revival your bringing let me stand in my place and not worry about where anyone else stands. Allow me to walk this thing out again I need help, remind me to pray for the ministry, help me stay faithful, place someone in my life that can give me wise council who is older than me who I can relate to.

2 weeks from now, God help me finish off this semester strong with my schoolwork and in my passion for you and for what your doing here, may I listen to your will and witness to friends and family at home, let me find rest and get work done and enjoy my time with my family and friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. May I abide in you and listen attentitively and hear form you in this time, cultivate the word you want to speak through me.

2 days, I pray for good performance on my test tomorrow, for wisdom and for guidance the next two days, to share Your promises with someone, to love my brothers and sisters, to be at rest safe travels, renewed mind, and for Your glory to shine through me and for me to seek you out

The Change Is Taking Place

Change my heart
To know your love
Renew my mind
On things above
Make my thoughts
Pure and clean
Fix my eyes
On things unseen

Jesus, you laid, your life, down for me
Jesus, you washed me, of my, iniquity

You nailed my sins to the cross
We will follow you will count the cost
You don’t want my sacrifice but my mercy
I will lay down my life, I know you’ll never hurt me

Bruised for my transgressions
By your stripes I’m healed
Make it my confession
That your truths revealed

The only place I want to be is in Your arms tonight
The only time I want to see is when I’m looking, looking in Your eyes
Yeah, Your eyes they burn for me
Yes, they burn jealously

No Living in the Past

So I just got done reading some of my older entries from last year and coveted my own prior life. I mean its not reall coveting, because the reason why I enjoyed the place I was in last year so much more is because I was growing so much. I was so much more humble and immature therefore I didn't try to be a leader or act like I know what Im talking about. I just sat back and watched God work in my life. Now I'm here whcih to me seems like a place of having less faith, less love, and less of a heart for this campus. Maybe that's not the case but that's what I feel like. I often feel ignored, unheard and alone by God and people. I feel like I've been put in a place where I'm trying to be a whole lot more than what God has called me to be because of other peoples failure to respond to the Word. Maybe that's selfish but I mean it's how I feel so, but I guess some things should be left unsaid (note: consider deleting the last sentence). But in reality I honestly cannot complain about anything going on in my own life once again. I'm getting good grades, I'm spending time with the Lord, he's been providing for me, my family is healthy even though a lot of them still don't know Jesus. I'm excited to go home for the first time since I've been at school, I've been home just haven't been excited to go home and I'm hoping and looking to leave the country for the summer. I said to my mom on the phone on sunday that I want to go on Missions for at least months during the summer, and I told her I'd pretty much go anywhere except Antarctica, and I saw Darla today and she asked me if Stephanie had shown anybody this magazine, and I said no whats the magazine about and she said it's about missions, there are missions trip on every continent except Antarctica so I thought that was pretty cool. Maybe I will really will get to leave the country and be pretty much on my own for a few months. Well we will see and things will get better revelatory wise. Jesus I love you, good night!

Joy of the Lord

I should be doing homework right now, but someone suggested that I should write down how I'm feeling lately so I've decided too. My birthday is coming up, and as of late I've been pretty anti-social, or rather just not exactly happy to be around people. I guess God is working on that with me, "I love righteousness more than I love people". I don't know why thats the case. I use to be a very sociable person, but every year I get more and more shy though I'm not sure why. I seem to get people aggravated pretty easily as of late and I'm not enjoying being in the spotlight so to speak, with eyes on me or people coming to me or looking to me for any type of leadership, but it's a like double sided because when I do give advice that's not asked for it doesn't seem to thrill people. I've been reading a book lately, that talks about prophets and how they are separate from the body but very much apart, where they're emotions usually aren't lined up with everyone else in the body of Christ may be. I can relate to that a lot. Not to say I'm a prophet because I don't really desire more responisbility. When I was younger the only time I was able to smile was when I was around people, by younger I mean high school, when I was around people I was happy all the time,a nd when I would come home I would cry because I was fake with a lot of people at face value. Now I'm pretty serious a lot and I don't like it, but when I'm not serious people don't take me seriously so its a catch 22. I'm in a place where I'd rather not be taken seriously, I'm in a place where I'd rather take on more of my sinful nature to joke around and have a good time and tell silly immature jokes and laugh and do dumb things than spend my time before the Lord. But that would make me seem like I'm not pursuing holiness. I'm tired of acting like or feeling like their is an urgency in the air, its not fun. its not bringing me any joy, its bringing me an obligation to cry out and intercede but its by no means allowing me to rejoice always. I can rejoice seldomnly and briefly when a prayer is slightly answered but other than that its this fatalistic outlook that I'm no longer to eager to be a part of. I'd love to serve and not worry to much about whether or not people "burn" for the Lord because I see a lot of people "burning" for the Lord not full of joy of the Lord. So i've decided to take a break, until I receive my childlike joy back, I'm not gonna take things very seriously, I'm not going to concern myself with the urgency of the times. I'll keep things in order, but I'm not going to try and pray hours upon hours a day in intercession, I'll just believe that God heres me when I ask the first time. I'd rather give a whole bunch of wrong answers and smile and have God mend my mistakes than give a serious right answer and not smile afterward. Because I'm not the one that perfects righteousness in me, I can try all I want, but I am not the one to do it, Jesus is, and he wants one that says yes and amen, and I'm doing that all the time, every minute of every day, no matter how much time i spend in prayer or singing to the Lord im saying yes every moment. I'm keeping his commandments I'm acknowledging that he died for my sins. He is my Lord and thats something I can rejoice in. After all on earth as it is in Heaven and there is no sadness in Heaven

What's Temporal for Eternal

I'm giving you all my love
now and forever
I'm laying down my life
not and forever
I'm trading what's temporal for eternal
I'm trading all that's temporary
to dwell in your sanctuary

I'm trading first class resorts
just to sit in your inner courts
I'm trading fortune and fame
for the name above all names
I'm trading all that money
for a land flowing with milk and honey
I'm trading the things I can't afford
for the glory of the Lord
I'm trading every eye on me
just so the blind can see
I'm laying it all down
just so I can receive a crown

I'm saying no to every fleshly desire
just so my heart will burn with your fire

Spew all of us from your mouth

All I'm going to do is complain in this entry, so anyone who reads it doesn't have to read long before they may get frustrated or think I'm whining. And I'm not going to complain about how much I hate my classes even though I do nor am I going to complain that I don't like my major even though I don't and I'm not going to complain about not having any direction about my future other than the next 4 months. But what I am going to complain about is how little God's glory presence or whatever is on this campus in my heart, etc. etc. I've come to this sad daunting conclusion that college Christianity on JMU and from the little I've seen elsewhere but is probably the case all around the US has boiled down to being a Christian in college means, going to the ministry that you feel is your best fit, very seldomnly pray, very seldomnly do anything that can effect the unbelieiving part of the campus positively, raise some money for other Christian organizations, raise up leaders that teach the word of God rather than live it, and students with a mindset of, I'll be a compromising Christian who is in college to pursue my own will for my own future ambitions whether it means serving a full time ministry that that person may or may not have been called to, while looking a for a potential mate that is willing to compromise with me, but not enough to not be able to say one is not a Christian, than get to ones senior year, if they are lucky they may still be involved in the ministry they first started with, if they are lucky maybe they will still have a poor relationship with the Lord, if they are lucky has survived falling away, just to graduate maybe marry the person they met in college, and struggle through that while having a job without ever really gaining a burning passion in their heart to get to know God and live wholeheartedly abandoned for Him. That philosophy is nowhere near what Jesus called his disciples too. Nope not even close actually. Some believe that the disciples were around 18-22 which would make sense since the sons of Zebedee, James and John were fishing with their father when He called them, which also would make sense considering Jesus started his ministry around 30 and probably would not surround himself with people older than himself. The point that they were probably around college age is just to say is that was when these disciples were most willing to give up everything to follow Him. That was when they were most willing to devote their whole heart to pursue something. An example can be stated why in college people will so passionately party many nights of the week because they begin to do things at extremes. While Christians may be passionately seeking their (mate in Christ) or the moment in their life where they can begin to do things the world is doing and it not be considered sinful (i.e. drinking, smoking, chewing tobacco gambling) whatever who cares stuff that doesn't come close to satisfying, while they could be doing the thing that is needed so Jesus said to Mary at his feet Luke 10:42 "But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen the good part, which will not be taken away from her." the presence of God. Which comes full circle back to what I am complaining about. Okay, okay God is omnipresent, but Martha was in the other room so yeah Jesus was present with her, but Mary sat before Him chilled with Him enjoyed Jesus' company, and it wasn't boring. Why is it when I sit before the Lord hours a day, I am bored waiting for Him to come. God why is your presence so far away, How many times do I have to die before you hear my cry? How many times do I have to live, when the longer I live the more I ask you to forgive? This is not to say that anyone has the right to say well God's presence isn't there because your sin has driven him away, no wrong, Mary's sin didn't drive Jesus away when she poured perfume on Jesus' feet and washed his feet with her tears and hair, my point is to be overcome in the presence of the Lord is a reality that people around here are not experiencing, that I don't know how to posture my heart, I've tried every way, I've done anything, I've been silent, repented, waited, cried, screamed, asked gently, sought day after day after day after day after day after day, interceded all to fall short and fall short and to claw bite kick scratch gotten depressed all to sit and do nothing and wait and quietly pray with patience and tricked myself into being joyful and helpful all for nothing. Asking me to enjoy his presence without recognizing or feeling his presence there is retarded its using a good imagination. I'm not saying I'm going by a feeling, but to feel the love experience it be enthralled in it instaed of being told about it and praying unceasingly for it and being told about it and all the things i need to do is (harsher than any explitive used as an adjective can be inserted here) ridicuouls. We have gotten this so wrong, we are not even close, our theology is too screwed up and you can repent for it again and again, for not being passionate enough, for not spending enough time, for sinning, repent and repent and repent until I repent for things I don't even do until I repent for things I did 8 years ago for the 1,000th time, repent for other peoples sins, repent for the sins of people who don't even follow Jesus, pray for abortion to end which would mean that a sin would no longer exist, these things are ridiculous, they are not biblical, God says he will heal our land and send revival but abortion cannot end aside from healing of land and revival, it's not biblical, people who don't believe in God don't just stop sinning, yeah it may become illegal but it won't stop. why haven't we cried out for murder to end, because its not going to, martyrdom will only increase, As the spirit comes sin will only increase the battle will only become more harsh more severe, we have been wasting our time. But I don't know what other way to waste my time, becuase God's not speaking to any of the other prophets. The glory is seemingly non existent. People fasted and prayed for 3 days because people turned their hearts to the father and that was all it took to heal the land. 8 years has not done it another 8 years won't do it. Only in God's time can it be done. I don't get it, I just don't I have no righteousness of myself, I have no understanding. God do something, do something, do something, if you don't do something it's your fault for not hearing. There are plenty of people crying out for this, plenty, more than enough you can at least be faithful to answer their praye rs, what are you waiting for? Why don't I have love for brothers and sisters? and if I do why don't I want to be around them, why do I want to be forever alone, that question isn't rhetorical and I already know the answer, because nothing is different, nothing is different their is no change, sure some people's lives are uncompromised but there is no fruit, it is not the fruit the harvest that the word talks about, I'm going to be so upset if I spend the next 2 and half years waiting for a revival that doesn't happen. I could have stopped beating myself up, I could have never fasted, never prayed for it, never told other people about it, never got excited and let down about it amongst many other things, not listened to other people, not listened to the prophets, but I did and am doing and I haven't held back and I'm sure I can't fully say that but in comparison I haven't not in comparison to other people, but in comparison to YOUR WORD not mine! Do something anything, really anything at all that you can get glory at least in my heart for that would come easy, that would just put me in awe and say GOD YOU DESERVE ALL THE GLORY FOR THAT! it doesn't even have to be big that just has to be the response of my heart, I don't care if you revive an ant, I don't care if you highlight a word in Scripture if the response of my heart can be awestruck I will be happy. If I can truly tremble at Your Word instead of being discouraged by it I'll be happy. Whatever I'm not picky

Driving

Because if I fell asleep I'd have to face the music of the morning, and there is no real telling what that will sound like, no telling where my dreams will take me, this is beginning to sound poetic but that's not the point, the point is to write, i lost my journal so I'm resulting to typing. I recognize my circumstance me being humbled, my positions threatened, but i also recognize my will is submitted, that I have no obligations to anyone or anything accept Christ and what he calls me too, and I'm the only one who knows what he fully calls me too, and I don't even know the full extent to which He calls me but he does, which is why in my circumstance I can trust him, which is why I've felt good since Friday morning. This 3 day stretch has been probably the most refreshing, clear God speaking to me weekend, or at least I feel he has been speaking and I'm no longer second guessing the Spirit in me, if someone else stands to correct me I'll stand before God and ask Him or repent. But I know that I'll be submissive to authority God has put me under not authority man has put me under. Even though I feel like I was tricked into agreeing to something, I don't mind it, I don't mind being a servant in matters I don't want to be. I also realize that Christ is my High priest that He offered himself for me, that without Him I am nothing and if I am spending time with Him and not living in sin there is no reason to second guess my Spirit even if it does seem like it's just emotion. I will take every thought captive, like today I thought about riding a tricycle through a drivethrough wearing a bicycle helmet during worship. I wish I didn't, I know I wanted to focus on God, but it didn't happen so i prayed about it. Church was good, God is better. I'm waiting for His Spirit and I'm wanting to be bold and to live as Christ everyday. Things are on the upswing, and I'm loving it.

Law and the Lord

I Fought the Lord and the Lord One

I’m still gonna love you
I’m still gonna chase you
I’m still gonna seek your face (you face)

Arose in the night
To cross over the ford
Left alone to fight
What must have been my Lord

I’m not sorry to struggle
I must persevere
I’m willing to suffer
So long as you are here

Wrestled til’ daybreak
But neither was broken
A hip out of place
But I’m still outspoken

I won’t let go till you bless me
I won’t let go till you bless me
I won’t let go cause
You’ve chosen to test me
I can’t let go when you’ve chosen to love me

Tell me your name
So I know who you are
I feel know shame
For I fought so hard

I’ve seen Your face
And I am preserved
In the midst of this race
I got what’s deserved

Limp on my hip
Is how I remember the Lord
I’ve gotten a grip
On adhering to His word
(on hearing His word)

I’m still gonna love you
I’m still gonna chase you
I’m still gonna seek your face (your face)




Kristine this one isn't done

Garage

Garage
By Jimmy Passaro

It was never necessary to have a garage
the cars were always parked on the lawn
a poor attempt at being flashy or a
proud declaration of being trashy, in either case
the garage was as empty as your heart
you cared too much or you didn’t care at all
or it depended on the days

your neighbor was a cornfield
which neither awed over
nor complained about
the shingles falling from the house
that would be devoured on impact
by the weeds surrounding

I never understood the extravagant block parties
yet, still people came
mileage never seemed to be an issue
and you bred cows
but never used their milk or meat
cows aren’t pets
companionship comes in different facets

So far secluded, yet so desperate for human interaction,
such inconsistencies would place a city boy on a farm.
The two hour commute never made much sense either.
“But God is in that field,” you’d say, which was funny.

When I’d park on the side of the road,
at night I’d go into that field
and be more lost than before I entered.
I’d always wait until morning to get out…
Because that’s when I waited to cry for help
you always heard
and found me so quickly
never asking why I was there.
Lock-jawed
as we walked back to the house
clinging to each others cognition
I wished I never took the walk back; but I owed you my footsteps
and I’d always be the first to crack and ask how you found me so fast,
and you were never inconsistent with your answers

“God is in that field,” you’d say,
But this time you added something
“And my garage isn’t as empty as you might think.”

Learning Lessons

One Day I’ll Learn to Pray Without Doubt

Ask and it shall be given
Seek and you shall find
Knock and it will be opened
Are you absolutely of your mind?
Because I ask and am denied
And I seek and I go blind
I knock and the door opens
And then it’s slammed a second time
But I guess these are your answers
Or I’m asking the wrong questions
Because you keep saying no
And I keep going in different directions
Because what I find I don’t like
But what I don’t like is just fine
And even though I don’t understand
I know you’ve freely given
You gave the gift of a dead man
A dead man who has risen
Just when I thought nothing
was given unto me
He reminds of the salvation
That I received for free
Thank you for your love oh Lord
Thanks for your compassion
Thank you for mercy and justice
All of which you don’t ration
Amen!

If I typed my Life on the Internet

If I Put My Life on Paper

If I put my life on paper
I wouldn’t see much at all
If I read my story to the world
They wouldn’t be impressed
If I relived my worst moments
I’d see myself amidst a fall
If I kept constant hold of my saving grace
I’d know I’m truly blessed

If I put my life on paper
It would be worth nothing
It wouldn’t matter in the least
It wouldn’t be held in high regard
Because giving up was never hard
If I put my life on paper
I could crumple it up and throw it away
I could light it on fire
It wouldn’t esteem me any higher

But If He put it in His Book
It would count for something
It would count for eternity
Within that book would be
The greatest love story
That the world could ever here
If it opened up it’s ear
To the trumpet of Zion
To the bells in Bethlehem
To the day the Lord was born
To the day His flesh was torn
To when He nailed our sins to the cross
And resurrected all for us

And If I put my life on paper
You know it wouldn’t take much
Just being willing to be touched
By the Lord of Hosts
Who matters most

If I put my life on paper
It would be a waste of time
Because He could write the words
And my life would be perfectly fine
Cause I’d rely on Jesus
The only one that frees us
From the battle with our flesh
Through You we are truly blessed

If I put my life on paper
Could anyone read it aloud
With the passion I’ve not yet found
If I put my life on paper
Would I have surrendered it all
And have answered His call
Would I be put at ease
And hear “With you I am well pleased
Enter in good and faithful servant”
You heart was truly fervent
For the One who loved you more
Let me show you to the door
Because your life has been signed
By Jesus’ blood
Now your marked with love
And you will endure
In Heaven forevermore
In the Presence of the Lord
And your life is in His book
Your faith in Him was it all it took
Eternally marked with a seal
An ever-burning zeal
A passion that is real
Thank you Lord for your grace
I’m left speechless by your face
I’m left speechless by your face

Total Opposites But We'll See

Mistake Churches for Bars

I mistake angels for cars
I mistake churches for bars
The headlights are blinding
Seems like bad timing
But it’s His time not ours

I mistake churches for bars
I mistake angels for cars
And maybe I’m just to naïve
Or maybe I’m too drunk to leave
But no that’s not the case
And it’s all such a waste of my time
I could be depressive
Or passive aggressive
I’m searching for fellowship
I’m seeking my God
I’m making excuses
And He sees through my façade

I miss take God’s words for my own
I mistake the Truth for the unknown
Couldn’t you be a little clearer
Now that I’m drawing nearer
Or am I just all alone?

The last thing I need
Is to push myself away
Lord this seed
Must grow today
And I want to love you
Like Jesus showed His love
Because I have the right to
Granted by God above
So Lord be in my heart
Though it is so dark
Please let me take part
In you lighting the spark


I mistake signs as reasons to disbelieve
I mistake altar calls as a reason to leave
You know my deepest hearts desire
It’s you in the center of the fire
Is my heart really willing to receive?

Not because I don’t believe
But I just want to leave
Because no one is seeking
We’re all here just meeting
Being fake in religion
caught up in tradition
whatever happened to the commission
so great in thy tradition
I don’t want to be lonely
But only if only
We all knew the fullness of love
But when push comes to shove
I feel so inadequate
And I can’t snap out of it

I mistake angels for cars
I mistake churches for bars
The headlights are blinding
Seems like bad timing
But it’s His time not ours

And we are all wanting a fill
But we have chosen the thrill
Thanks be to grace
Because we’re all forgiven
And I’m seeking your face
But am I truly living
Will this body be drunk in the Spirit?
Does anyone hear it?
Or do we worship from distance?
Is there still resistance?
But I’m wanting all of you
Including what I don’t comprehend
When it comes to what’s true
It seems the there is no end.

I see the angels coming near
The church is seeing clear
And the Lord’s light is shining
It was all in his timing
And now this unending love is here