Seconds to Minutes to Hours

The reason for the delay in a new entry is due to the fact that I've been horribly ill the past week. I really didn't do much of anything. I managed to get through the week and accomplished all I needed too. I made it through my presentation which was a good thing too. However I am still a little sick, and yesterday was a bummer because I was suppose to go to see a play and I walked 4 times to Theatre 2 which is a 12 minute walk from my dorm and each time I went I did not get a ticket1 time for class, then again at 4:45 to see if they were selling tickets and they said come back after 6, so i got there again at 6:25 and they were sold out and said come back at 7:50 so I got there at 7:40 and waited in line for 20 minutes and they said sorry everyone there are no seats avaliable to i walked back. I wasted like an hour and a half just in walking to and from Theatre 2, so instead I now have something to do on Friday night, which is going to see a play that probably no one else will be at because, everyone has gone home for fall break, something I should have put effort into trying to do. Now I'm stuck here for the rest of the weekend with very few people but it will be cool because I will get a lot of work done and read the bible to make up for how sick I was when i didnt feel like even moving. But yesterday I did do something productive because I wrote a poem after I walked back from the Theatre for the 4th time. So I'll post that. I wanted to say a whole bunch more meaningful things, but I couldn't remember what I wanted to say. So instead here is my poem

Just for a Second

I'm just going to sit down for a second
But this second will turn into minutes, then to hours
I don't sit down just to rest
I do it mostly to collect my thoughts
Thinking about myself, thinking about God
thing about myself and God together
Wait I worded that wrong
Because God should come before myself
I wish I could say I always catch myself
when I make a mistake such as that
But I'll confess, many times I am guilty of putting me first
I don't usually do it intentionally
Some say it's human nature to look out for one's self first
Kind of goes along with the "survival of the fittest" mentality
The reality of it is it's not human nature to be selfish
it's human error
humans choose to put themselves first
Is it a crime for people to want the best for themselves?
Is that really selfishness?
And is it slefish of me to take a break
to sit, reflect, and turn my cheek to the world for my own good?
That second of sitting down has already turned into
twenty minutes of thought and written word
See how easy it was to get caught up in something
I wanted to do and chose to do
However if someone like a teacher
had told me to go sit alone for twenty minutes and write,
I'd probably be mad at my teacher
write half as much as I have already written
and my topic would have been on how stupid the idea of sitting alone
and writing for twenty minutes is
The reason for this is quite obvious
People don't like to be told what to do
This makes me wonder,
maybe God tells me to do something
and the idea is placed in my head
but then I convince myself that the idea is stupid
and I don't do what God calls me to do
This could be a reason, but that woud put me at fault
Maybe God just doesn't have anything to say to me
or maybe he doesn't make himself clear enough to me
How quickly I put the blame on something else
It's so easy for me to unassume responsibility
which could be why I'm such a failure
I guess I don't own up to my mistakes enough
Maybe stting down for longer than a second was a mistake
Maybe within the minutes and hours that passed
was my chance to make the difference God wanted me to
Or maybe it's not too late
I can get up right now
And right now I'll go make that difference
Because this time I'm going to grasp that oppurtunity
I'm going, but wait what direction am I going?
What if I go the wrong way?
What if I waste God's time?
I don't want to be wrong again
I should think this over
I'm just going to sit down for a second

This poem is pretty easy and complicated to understand at the same time. I fear the message one might first find is that the person in this story, severely doubts the presence or the fact that God might exist, despite the fact that the character so desperately wants to please God. That's not the exact message I wanted to get across and I also want it to be known this poem was not based off myself entirely. I believe sitting down with God and collecting your thoughts is a good thing, and I'd encourage it. When I sit down with God, in all honesty, I don't hear his voice nor do I feel he has called me to do anything most of the time. Most of the time I just sit, pray, listen, and if I'm felt upset, usually I'll feel better even though I don't find direction or guidance, at least that I am aware of. The main point of the poem is to make sense of things, even though things go full circle and no questions are really answered. That's all I have to say about this poem.

I just want to add in, that usually when things start to turn for the better, I don't write things down as often which is another reason why I probably haven't written as much, but I just want to make mention that I've become comfortable and happy about everything even though I'm still a litte sick. Everything is settling down and my mindset has a adjusted towards a positive one. Hopefully I'll start writing about some positive stuff, so good news there. Good night and God Bless