Reject Acceptance and End Freedom
This is going to be a bunch of jumbled thoughts of things about this week. All in all my week has been good thus far. Tuesday night was the Chi Alpha Christmas dinner which was fun, good food and fellowship, and that night I finished my English Research Paper so that was cool. Wednesday I worked on another paper all day and studied for my final, Thursday I took my Global Politics final and I got a B in that class as my final grade which is pretty cool since I started out with a low D after the first test which was 25% of my grade. God was good like always and helped me through it. I also found out that an E-coli oubreak happened in Taco Bell's in New Jersey, I think this was God's way of telling me not to eat so much Taco Bell because it might be a sin. So when I go home I'll try to eat Taco Bell 2 times a week or less. But luckily God has spared me from any E-coli because that would not be very fun. Thursday night was also DURAG which was pretty cool, but after DURAG I was doing some bible study and was reading in 1 John 5 and was confused by some scripture. I've realized I need to be praying more for wisdom in God's word. I've been reading scripture and been amongst discussions and have been reading the Heavenly Man, and have been trying to figure out the true reason, why are there are so few on fire believers around. I mean many times I myself am not filled with the fire, but I desire it very much I know that for sure. There is way too much going on in America. I wish I was less focussed on anything around me, any posession, I don't want anything holding me back from God, but in America there is entirely too much holding us back, there is too much acceptance of different things. Our country has become so liberalized in ideas, that we just accept anything and everything even though most of which is entirely unacceptable, it's become acceptable for teenagers in highschool to drink, it's become acceptable, to abort babies, it's starting to become acceptable to be homosexual, it's become acceptable to do drugs namely in Colorado where marijuana is legal. In a way the people who are unaccepting and seem to be mean people are really more in the right. It seems our country is getting to the point where there is no break of moral code. Sure it's still illegal to murder, but it still happens, wars are still going on, There is no fire of God because a good job has been done to allow Satan to take control, and he has deceived so many people into thinking that so many things are okay. But listen up, if you willingly fill your lives with this garbage, your going to die, you will not have the gift of eternal life, you will never know Truth on this earth. You will live amidst your lies. It hurts to know that people are so deceived by the devil that even Christians have allowed certain things to just be okay in their eyes. But, I am so desperate to know the Truth in God's word, I mean sure some of the stuff is simple and I understand, but I want to know the Truth in all of it, I've come to this point where I cried out tonight towards the end of prayer that I no longer want to go home, back to New Jersey because when I go home it feels like I'm walking towards the Devil, I'm going to a place that may hurt my Spirit because the people around me are so dead in the Spirit, dead in life, there are those that have never known God and are dying and killing themselves with all their sinful desires, that will soon catch up with them and there are those that have turned away from God, those that think God will forgive them if they make no effort
to change. The Truth of the matter is if people seek out God with their whole heart and not worry about things of this world, God will take care of you. There so desperately needs to be revival and I really and truly believe revival on JMU campus is imminent, when I was praying for JMU tonight, it was the most the Spirit had poured out on me, God put it on my heart that it's close, but there are still things that need to be done. Though I still believe God will work in my family and friends, when I prayed for the campus God made me laugh because He was like its coming soon, very soon. But back to the whole family and friends thing. Basically I cried out to God and decided that if God does not either use me to change some lives when I go home for Christmas break I don't go back. If my mother is not completely healed, if lives aren't changed in those Christians that are asleep in God, and if God does not use me to bring people to salvation, I don't think I'm going back home. Because if these things don't come to pass than that means I am not yet strong enough in God to make a difference in the lives around me, and if I can't make a difference in those around me than my faith is truly weak. Sometimes, even right now I feel down in the Spirit because I feel so helpless. I'm tired of going home and losing everything I've gained from God here at school. He pours out so much more when I'm at school, reveals so much more to me, and I see lives changing more. At home, it's become a destruction to my soul. So unless I go home and see some dramatic changes in the lives of those around me, I'm not going back, guarenteed. It's not enough anymore that people are getting by in life. I think I've allowed that for many people in my life for a very long time now, and I even allowed myself to just get by for most of my life, but God has not given me one reason to complain about things not going well in my own life since I've been here unless I've fallen short for him which I feel I do at times when I fail to be used by him. I'm tired exhausted about thinking about the same family situations and same friendship situations back at home and crying out for them and not seeing or hearing of any changes. I'm tired of it, and I believe I remained pretty faithful to the cause. I need to see change for my Spirit to be raised more. Thank God for all the blessings he has poured out on me, but God please start to pour out blessings on those around me when I go home. Prayer tonight was also pretty cool because I had this image in my head that is pretty hard to explain, but I'll do my best. I saw almost a an entirely gold painting, but the pictures in the gold were basically drawn in black. The figures in the painting were a giant bird that was on fire diving towards the earth, I imagine that the bird was surrounded by a red fire and this bird was huge like an eagle of some sort, and as this bird was diving towards the earth, an upper torso of a man holding up a miniature cross towards the beak of the bird, was standing firm with a pained expression on his face. The bottom of the paper of the painting seemed to be ripped off or burned. I only say this for about 2 seconds. So that is as much as I can remember, but I also remember as it faded out it seemed like the bird turned into an airplane or a missile. I really am not sure exactly if this image or vision had any meaning. But what it seemed like was this man holding this cross outstretched towards the sky, was spared by this fire bird, or missile, or plain, that was heading directly at him, and he put up the cross and was spared by the grace of God. When I think about any meaning it's hard to not be a little scared, of the fiery bird or plane, or missile, but I pray my knowledge will grow more. Other than this vision and crying out and feeling the Holy Spirit, the only other thing I did was sit in silence, tonights prayer was once again awesome, but it was hard for me tonight because I am so desperate for things I've been praying for to play out. Like God fills me with his Holy Spirit, but I feel undeserving and I feel like it's being wasted on me because I know so many people that if they experienced it they would want more and more and I want more and more, but I don't know what more to do to seek after it, but God has been so good to me! One last thing I want to just make quick mention but is not exactly of importance, Way back during the beginning of summer I wrote a poem called "Our Clowning Achievements" and I posted it in my first blog. I make elusion to a song called "Send in the Clowns," and just today in theatre I found out there were actual lyrics to that song, I thought it was just an instrumental, and I found out the song is basically about a man and woman who's timing is horrible, they kind of like each other, but the timing of events in their life don't allow them to be together, when I wrote my poem I had this idea about people who are unsatisfied with life, but I can see how it relates to bad timing in the lives of humans. How we fill our time with so much garbage that when it comes time for church on Sunday that's when the show starts for some people, they put on their smiles and Jesus faces, and act like they've been living for God during the rest of the week when in reality the only time they make time for God is Sunday morning, that in a sense is bad timing. What if Jesus comes back on a Monday, and your Jesus face isn't on. It really makes me realize that time must be made for God and seeking out wisdom every day, Every day we should be in scripture, everyday we need to pray, even worship God, every single day and if you "don't have the time" make it because no one is that busy that they can't make time for God, and if you are that busy than your life is not where God wants it to be by any means. I'd have trouble believing that your life is where you want it to be if you don't have time for God. Anyway, that's all I have to say, so I'm gonna go to be and end off with a poem:
Freedoom Kills
And I will rip my heart out of my chest
Take in some air and give the heart the rest
Feel it beating in my hand
Now I'm in command
of my own destiny
Then I take a bite
So the blood fills my mouth
Bringing ease to swallow my doubt
So I can taste how cold I am
To all of those around me
to the darkness that surrounds me
I was speaking so profoundly
In the puddle of blood in which you found me
So this is why they associate
ones heart with love
I guess my heart does pour out
to something up above
This doesn't change the fact
that I don't cease to bleed
Drowning and choking on my own blood
at least my heart is freed.
Just now I've kind of realized how the freedom we have in America is killing Christians as believers. Freedom diminishes the power of our faith. Basically the images of darkness and blood symbolizes being tortured or suffering for God, and how beautiful it is because God will free our heart of the things that don't allow our hearts to fully pour out to God, and even though we may be drowning and choking on our own blood, as in if we were persecuted by our own country we would be free in a different way because we would realize more how valuable the Word of God, and the death of Jesus Christ was. Freedom kills our fire for God. God has put on my heart that I have work to do in another part of the country at some point in my life. For some reason he has really put India on my heart, I don't reall know anything about India, but he put it on my heart, and I believe it's a part of his plan for me. I hope people will wake up in America and find fire in their hearts and put more faith in Him, instead of all the comforts we have in life that make it so easy for so many of us to live.
to change. The Truth of the matter is if people seek out God with their whole heart and not worry about things of this world, God will take care of you. There so desperately needs to be revival and I really and truly believe revival on JMU campus is imminent, when I was praying for JMU tonight, it was the most the Spirit had poured out on me, God put it on my heart that it's close, but there are still things that need to be done. Though I still believe God will work in my family and friends, when I prayed for the campus God made me laugh because He was like its coming soon, very soon. But back to the whole family and friends thing. Basically I cried out to God and decided that if God does not either use me to change some lives when I go home for Christmas break I don't go back. If my mother is not completely healed, if lives aren't changed in those Christians that are asleep in God, and if God does not use me to bring people to salvation, I don't think I'm going back home. Because if these things don't come to pass than that means I am not yet strong enough in God to make a difference in the lives around me, and if I can't make a difference in those around me than my faith is truly weak. Sometimes, even right now I feel down in the Spirit because I feel so helpless. I'm tired of going home and losing everything I've gained from God here at school. He pours out so much more when I'm at school, reveals so much more to me, and I see lives changing more. At home, it's become a destruction to my soul. So unless I go home and see some dramatic changes in the lives of those around me, I'm not going back, guarenteed. It's not enough anymore that people are getting by in life. I think I've allowed that for many people in my life for a very long time now, and I even allowed myself to just get by for most of my life, but God has not given me one reason to complain about things not going well in my own life since I've been here unless I've fallen short for him which I feel I do at times when I fail to be used by him. I'm tired exhausted about thinking about the same family situations and same friendship situations back at home and crying out for them and not seeing or hearing of any changes. I'm tired of it, and I believe I remained pretty faithful to the cause. I need to see change for my Spirit to be raised more. Thank God for all the blessings he has poured out on me, but God please start to pour out blessings on those around me when I go home. Prayer tonight was also pretty cool because I had this image in my head that is pretty hard to explain, but I'll do my best. I saw almost a an entirely gold painting, but the pictures in the gold were basically drawn in black. The figures in the painting were a giant bird that was on fire diving towards the earth, I imagine that the bird was surrounded by a red fire and this bird was huge like an eagle of some sort, and as this bird was diving towards the earth, an upper torso of a man holding up a miniature cross towards the beak of the bird, was standing firm with a pained expression on his face. The bottom of the paper of the painting seemed to be ripped off or burned. I only say this for about 2 seconds. So that is as much as I can remember, but I also remember as it faded out it seemed like the bird turned into an airplane or a missile. I really am not sure exactly if this image or vision had any meaning. But what it seemed like was this man holding this cross outstretched towards the sky, was spared by this fire bird, or missile, or plain, that was heading directly at him, and he put up the cross and was spared by the grace of God. When I think about any meaning it's hard to not be a little scared, of the fiery bird or plane, or missile, but I pray my knowledge will grow more. Other than this vision and crying out and feeling the Holy Spirit, the only other thing I did was sit in silence, tonights prayer was once again awesome, but it was hard for me tonight because I am so desperate for things I've been praying for to play out. Like God fills me with his Holy Spirit, but I feel undeserving and I feel like it's being wasted on me because I know so many people that if they experienced it they would want more and more and I want more and more, but I don't know what more to do to seek after it, but God has been so good to me! One last thing I want to just make quick mention but is not exactly of importance, Way back during the beginning of summer I wrote a poem called "Our Clowning Achievements" and I posted it in my first blog. I make elusion to a song called "Send in the Clowns," and just today in theatre I found out there were actual lyrics to that song, I thought it was just an instrumental, and I found out the song is basically about a man and woman who's timing is horrible, they kind of like each other, but the timing of events in their life don't allow them to be together, when I wrote my poem I had this idea about people who are unsatisfied with life, but I can see how it relates to bad timing in the lives of humans. How we fill our time with so much garbage that when it comes time for church on Sunday that's when the show starts for some people, they put on their smiles and Jesus faces, and act like they've been living for God during the rest of the week when in reality the only time they make time for God is Sunday morning, that in a sense is bad timing. What if Jesus comes back on a Monday, and your Jesus face isn't on. It really makes me realize that time must be made for God and seeking out wisdom every day, Every day we should be in scripture, everyday we need to pray, even worship God, every single day and if you "don't have the time" make it because no one is that busy that they can't make time for God, and if you are that busy than your life is not where God wants it to be by any means. I'd have trouble believing that your life is where you want it to be if you don't have time for God. Anyway, that's all I have to say, so I'm gonna go to be and end off with a poem:
Freedoom Kills
And I will rip my heart out of my chest
Take in some air and give the heart the rest
Feel it beating in my hand
Now I'm in command
of my own destiny
Then I take a bite
So the blood fills my mouth
Bringing ease to swallow my doubt
So I can taste how cold I am
To all of those around me
to the darkness that surrounds me
I was speaking so profoundly
In the puddle of blood in which you found me
So this is why they associate
ones heart with love
I guess my heart does pour out
to something up above
This doesn't change the fact
that I don't cease to bleed
Drowning and choking on my own blood
at least my heart is freed.
Just now I've kind of realized how the freedom we have in America is killing Christians as believers. Freedom diminishes the power of our faith. Basically the images of darkness and blood symbolizes being tortured or suffering for God, and how beautiful it is because God will free our heart of the things that don't allow our hearts to fully pour out to God, and even though we may be drowning and choking on our own blood, as in if we were persecuted by our own country we would be free in a different way because we would realize more how valuable the Word of God, and the death of Jesus Christ was. Freedom kills our fire for God. God has put on my heart that I have work to do in another part of the country at some point in my life. For some reason he has really put India on my heart, I don't reall know anything about India, but he put it on my heart, and I believe it's a part of his plan for me. I hope people will wake up in America and find fire in their hearts and put more faith in Him, instead of all the comforts we have in life that make it so easy for so many of us to live.
posted by Jimmy at 9:51 PM
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