Even in Eden

God has put a lot on my heart as of late. However, He has more than enough power to handle it I've been praying about so much as of late, about deciding on a major; I am taking a career placement test this week to see if that will help me out in leading me towards a decision, but I want to make sure it is only what God wants me to do. I do not want to stray from His will even in the slightest. I've also been praying about what to do once the semester ends, whether I should return home and stay there for the summer. It may suit me better to stay here in Harrisonburg for the summer and get a job here. If I do stay at home for the summer than there is so much I will need to work on. Other than finding a job, I may need to find where God will place me whether it be finding a new church or staying where I'm at with that situation. I also will need to be extraordinarily used by God in the area of my family and friends. God would have to totally plant me with a new group of people that will help me with my walk with God because when I go home that has been completely lacking. The lives of my family and friends would also have to be changed dramatically and I would need God's annointing for all that because nothing can be done unless He wills it. A week from now I will be in New Orleans. I'm excited to be used by God and to learn what He wants me to learn from the experience. I've also been in prayer for wisdom in many different situations. I've been exposed to a lot of new things lately that confuse me, so I'm still waiting on God to give me revelation. I'm searching out the matters that God conceals. Luckily I've had an extremely light workload for school because my mind and heart has been consumed by so many other things. God really has shown me that I need to be in prayer about my attitude because that has prevented me from enjoying being with Him as of late. I'm glad He revealed that to me so it can be something else I can add to my prayers. As always my friends and family and even those I don't know are in my prayers daily, as well as God to make a movement on campus. Throughout all this I must remain completely reliant on God because the second I try and pull something off on my own, I feel like I'm going to drive myself really far down in a ditch so all I can do right now is pray and see what doors God is opening and closing. He's gotten be this far and there has never been a good reason to doubt that He will take care of me. I haven't spent a lot of time writing as of late, but God has recently put a song on my heart which is my main purpose for writing this entry. When I first started singing this song my heart was changing and I almost cried, I think there is a ot of passion in it:

Adam's Somber Psalm

Lord, hello it’s Adam, the first man to ever live
I’m also the first creature that you were to forgive
Remember all the days when I walked with you in Eden
Well, I can’t stand to say that my heart has broken even
You gave me privilege to name every living creature
This came only by the grace of my most Holy Teacher
Lord you gave me woman and my heart was led astray
I plead that you won’t revoke your presence from me on this day
Forbidden fruit means nothing, it does not satisfy my soul
I can’t live without your love; it is all that makes me whole
I can’t stand to walk without you, now I feel like your unknown
Even though my Eve’s right there I spend my evenings all alone
God, what about your love, the touch of my Maker
All I can seem to ask is “why ever did you make her?”
Forgive me once again because I was quick to blame
But Lord you understand that I cannot bare the shame
So curse me to a life where it is my job to work and serve
And as man I’ll hold steadfast to Your every spoken word

Lord why were we so deceived
Why am I so deceived?
I am so deceived
I hope my soul will still be received
Though I am so deceived
I am so deceived
I am so deceived
My soul can only be relieved… by You

Lord the Tree of Knowledge has let me know when Your not there
Once again, comes the deception, I also know Your everywhere
So you banished me from paradise because of my mistakes
And I’ve slipped into deep depression, how can I bare to show my face?
Why would you let me fall so far, am I not your creation?
My heart is geared toward perfection, though I never reach that sensation
Now you have your chance, God, to show how merciful you can be
Lord, give me back the Garden, and take my hand and walk with me
I am merely man, imperfect in my form
From the dust of the earth, from your heart I was born
Silence that serpent send a savior to smash its head
A savior that will be raised after three days of being dead
Someone known as a Redeemer to save souls for eternity
Worthy is The Lamb and the Light for all humanity to see
His hands and feet should be Holy, he should not fear man or a cross
He should be You in the body of a man and count no sinner as a loss

No sinner is a loss, no sinner is a loss,
We were all born into sin
You took a stand on that cross

No sinner is a loss, no sinner is a loss,
We were all born into sin
You took a stand on that cross

Maybe a song

So yesterday I experienced what it's like to hear a real prophet with the gift of prophecy, and it was pretty awesome. He was a really funny, down to earth guy, and he had words for a lot of people. I was more excited about the words he gave other people than what he said to me. When he was speaking to others I could see clearly that this guy truly hears from God because the things he was saying were so right on to many people. He said to me to "Take it in," but before he said it he knew I had been spending so much time with God, but he kept saying "Take it in" over and over with his hand on my heart. Then he described me as a vessel and related the story of Gideon breaking the jars with his 300 men. He said something about being a vessel inside a vessel and a huge fire burning in me that was almost ready to be let out or something along those lines. When the apostle came a week and a half ago he said to me "Your almost ready to go, aren't ya?" To say that latley, I've been a little perplexed and confused and disheartened is an understatement. Because I have felt all these things along with trying to be a motivator and trying to carry the wisdom God provides me with and trying to obey him when he tells me to speak, trying to discern his voice from my own stupid head. I've been completely torn up about the vagueness of my prophecy. I felt as if others had a rather more straight foward approach to theres, while mine was filled with laughter, beforehand he told me I had supernatural hair, and as he was trying to explain what God had in store he, struggled to describe it, which allows me to hope that what God has planned cannot be described by or through anyone. Maybe God wants me to take in more than in imaginable. I don't know, but I sure as heck wish I had a clue. This seems like a common theme in my life, never really being too sure of anything. I'm sure of God's love, infinite wisdom, and gifts, and all that great, wonderful stuff, but when it comes to my life and how God wants to use it, and what his will is for it, I could hand you a blank piece of paper and tell you this is what I know on paper. I can write down everyone of my hopes and dreams, but it wouldn't matter because this life is not up to me and if I allowed it to be it would 1 cease to have existed by now or been in a steaming pile of coals and darkness. I do know I'm in the right place and going in the right direction, but unfortunately I can't see a foot in front of me, and know that everything behind me is not worth going back too. Because if I have to go back through all that again I might as well die. So all I can do is hope and have faith that things will eventually become clear to me, God willing. God is good, and I thank him for answering so many of my prayers and for moving so much, but I'm still not even close to being satisfied as far as him working in me goes. In other news I stopped writing poems, but for some reason I've been able to come up with some songs, tunes and lyrics in some of my classes.


Broken Deception

My prayer go out to those who don't have faith in Jesus
They may not see the heavenly eternity that seeks us (that seeks us) *echoes*
My savior didn't die on the cross so he could leave us
He died and lived again so God's kingdom would receive us (receive us) *echoes*
There are so many skeptics that refuse to believe us
They call out to the world beggin Satan to "Deceive us!" (deceive us) *echoes*

That was never apart of the plan
for man to depend on man
because to think that he can
would assume man's in command
I'm sorry man but God's in command
the heart and love of man is His demand
because he created man from the sand
that's how it all began
the breath of one's lifespan
now who's here to stand
at God's right hand
bringing salvation to the land
when everyone else ran

My prayer’s go out to those who ran from Jesus
They may lose out on the eternity that seeks us (that seeks us) *echoes*
My savior didn’t die on the cross so you would leave us
Now you changed so much that you refuse to receive us (receive us) *echoes*
The abandonment of truth is why you don’t believe us
Satan answered your cries when you said to “deceive us” (deceive us) *echoes

So I cry out for the lost
no matter, my exhaust
souls come at a higher cost
which is why He died on the cross
for a gain not a loss
to die is gain
which is why I remain
free from a chain
that bounds my name
He cleansed all my stains
so no longer is there pain
or reason to complain
Anticipate Jesus' reign
Earth will be his domain
and Satan will be slain

My praise go out to those who accepted Jesus
We will receive the heavenly eternity that seeks us (that seeks us) *echoes*
Soon there will be no reason for Him to leave us
Into His arms wide open He will receive us (receive us) *echoes*
and there is no reason for you to not believe us
Because Satan no longer has power to deceive us (deceive us) *echoes*