Joy of the Lord

I should be doing homework right now, but someone suggested that I should write down how I'm feeling lately so I've decided too. My birthday is coming up, and as of late I've been pretty anti-social, or rather just not exactly happy to be around people. I guess God is working on that with me, "I love righteousness more than I love people". I don't know why thats the case. I use to be a very sociable person, but every year I get more and more shy though I'm not sure why. I seem to get people aggravated pretty easily as of late and I'm not enjoying being in the spotlight so to speak, with eyes on me or people coming to me or looking to me for any type of leadership, but it's a like double sided because when I do give advice that's not asked for it doesn't seem to thrill people. I've been reading a book lately, that talks about prophets and how they are separate from the body but very much apart, where they're emotions usually aren't lined up with everyone else in the body of Christ may be. I can relate to that a lot. Not to say I'm a prophet because I don't really desire more responisbility. When I was younger the only time I was able to smile was when I was around people, by younger I mean high school, when I was around people I was happy all the time,a nd when I would come home I would cry because I was fake with a lot of people at face value. Now I'm pretty serious a lot and I don't like it, but when I'm not serious people don't take me seriously so its a catch 22. I'm in a place where I'd rather not be taken seriously, I'm in a place where I'd rather take on more of my sinful nature to joke around and have a good time and tell silly immature jokes and laugh and do dumb things than spend my time before the Lord. But that would make me seem like I'm not pursuing holiness. I'm tired of acting like or feeling like their is an urgency in the air, its not fun. its not bringing me any joy, its bringing me an obligation to cry out and intercede but its by no means allowing me to rejoice always. I can rejoice seldomnly and briefly when a prayer is slightly answered but other than that its this fatalistic outlook that I'm no longer to eager to be a part of. I'd love to serve and not worry to much about whether or not people "burn" for the Lord because I see a lot of people "burning" for the Lord not full of joy of the Lord. So i've decided to take a break, until I receive my childlike joy back, I'm not gonna take things very seriously, I'm not going to concern myself with the urgency of the times. I'll keep things in order, but I'm not going to try and pray hours upon hours a day in intercession, I'll just believe that God heres me when I ask the first time. I'd rather give a whole bunch of wrong answers and smile and have God mend my mistakes than give a serious right answer and not smile afterward. Because I'm not the one that perfects righteousness in me, I can try all I want, but I am not the one to do it, Jesus is, and he wants one that says yes and amen, and I'm doing that all the time, every minute of every day, no matter how much time i spend in prayer or singing to the Lord im saying yes every moment. I'm keeping his commandments I'm acknowledging that he died for my sins. He is my Lord and thats something I can rejoice in. After all on earth as it is in Heaven and there is no sadness in Heaven

What's Temporal for Eternal

I'm giving you all my love
now and forever
I'm laying down my life
not and forever
I'm trading what's temporal for eternal
I'm trading all that's temporary
to dwell in your sanctuary

I'm trading first class resorts
just to sit in your inner courts
I'm trading fortune and fame
for the name above all names
I'm trading all that money
for a land flowing with milk and honey
I'm trading the things I can't afford
for the glory of the Lord
I'm trading every eye on me
just so the blind can see
I'm laying it all down
just so I can receive a crown

I'm saying no to every fleshly desire
just so my heart will burn with your fire